I feel sorry for a woman at work. She’s the type of woman who would get angry at me if she found out I felt sorry for her. Let’s call her BB.
Some background: I don’t know BB very well, but in the limited interactions I’ve had with her, both one-on-one and in group settings, she’s made it abundantly known that she’s never been married and is very interested in changing that status, but has had a hard time finding a suitable mate. To her, suitability means a wealthy guy.
BB is currently dating a guy. I’ve met him on occasion and he seems cool. I have no idea about the size of his bank account, but he seems as well-off as anyone. So far, no real reason to feel sorry for BB. I mean, everyone has his or her motives and who am I to question?
Some additional background: a colleague of ours in the office, Leigh, is almost universally considered beautiful. People who find out where I work have asked about her. Her attractiveness is almost legendary, it seems. (She’s not exactly my type, however). Leigh got married a little while back to a guy. Apparently the guy has been switching jobs a lot recently and Leigh has been paying the household bills.
Leigh and BB apparently had a conversation, wherein BB asked Leigh why she married the guy. A quote from the conversation, Leigh told me, was “You’re young and beautiful, you could have married the richest guy and led any life you want. Why would you choose him?” With the last part said in a way in which implied disappointment. Leigh told me she replied, “Because I fell in love with him,” to which BB dismissed it as a non-legitmate reason.
This is why I feel sorry for BB. She is a really gregarious and otherwise fun person, but this aspect of her is really sad. To her, love is not a legitimate reason to marry.
I wonder what happened to make her this way. I have to believe that, at some point early in her life, she must have been really screwed-over by a guy. That’s the only explanation I can think of to answer why she’s be so jaded on love and relationships. Up to the point I found all this out, I didn’t think she was serious about the money-as-a-prerequisite. It’s no act. It is a prerequisite. And it is sad.
April 24, 2008 at 4:42 pm |
It is not sad to me. Different things are important to different people.
April 24, 2008 at 6:56 pm |
On one level, I agree. That is to refrain from judgment about other’s lives and decisions. It’s true, I don’t know what went on that led her to the point where she is now.
On another level, I think BB’s fault-finding for someone who married for love rather than money is, indeed sad. It’s like she doesn’t understand that love is an acceptable reason to marry.